Thursday, April 12, 2012
The Streak ends....
There aren't many things that are known by a single word in the world, as it takes a huge amount of respect and worldwide knowledge to knowingly nod when someone says "Sting", "Madonna", "Labron", "The Punch".....you get the idea. With that said I write to you with a heavy heart this evening as the "Streak" has ended. The "Streak" to those of you who have lived under a rock for the last 23 years, is the fact that I had not thrown up in 23 years. Yes, you read that correctly.......23 years. Do you remember where you were 23 years ago??? Bobby Brown had a #1 hit with "My Prerogative" and Poison "Every Rose has a Thorn" was making people question whether Poison was hard rock enough to really like. Joe Montana led the 49's to a Superbowl and the Cubs were pretty good, but about to start sucking again. So with that said, that is how long it's been since I have yacked.....until today.
So this week has been well documented, and it has not been good. So I went to the oncologist for a multitude of fluids and other stuff, and made it home. My headache was no better, so I went to bed. Dasha checked on my several times and my headache was getting really bad again, and I was nauseous again. So she calls back to my oncologist and has a conversation with my super nurse, Rita, and she makes a suggestion for a couple of things. One was a suppository and the other was a Magnesium Citrate drink.
I'll take them one at a time.....suppository. Who in the HELL came up with this???? I mean, back in 1850 some guy pulls up with a cart and starts in with his "New super medicine that cures everything". People crowd around and his potion sells well before he is about to pack up when a desperate man for "comfort" asks "what is in that jar???" The medicine man says "oh, that is for only the most desperate of man, and it's of the highest level of experimentation that it's only been used on horses."
Decades later the "Rectal Suppository" product slowly starts to spread across the country as a way for people to get comfort from numerous ailments....
The second product is the main culprit of the Streak coming to an end. Dasha walks into the bedroom, while I'm lying in bed, and says "You need to drink 1/4 of this and no more....Love you!!!" So I sit up, take a sip, and think "WOW, this stuff is strong, but the Streak is not in danger, I'm good." Two sips later I decide to try to get the 1/4 of the jar down, and drink up.....BIG mistake. My stomach decided to turn completely over, and the Streak was in danger...........check that, in a matter of 4 seconds the Streak was over as I was running towards the bathroom. One mini throw up was followed by every bit of fluid in my body, in a violent manner that literally pulled a muscle in my lower back. My dad had come up to the house and was a huge help.
So I come out to the living room and my dad has a great idea, why don't we dilute the solution in water and you can give it another try. Great idea.....so we do that, and I'm back in the bathroom ending what was only about a 20 minute Streak II, the son of The Streak.
So I have an idea. I grab a secure phone line, and call my dear friend Dick "monkey heart" Cheney.
MP: Hey Dick, it's Mike Peters.
DC: Hey Michael!!!!! How is the Streak going, I was just telling that story to a conference in Washington DC yesterday!!!!
MP: Not well.....it ended about an hour ago....but I have an idea for you that has to do with national security.
DC: My condolences on a streak that rivaled Cal Ripkin.....but you have my attention with anything that has to do with national security......talk.
MP: You may not be able to discuss this, but are you still running the "Torture" program for America??
MP: Hmmmm.....I thought so......just say "bulldozer" if you are, then don't say another word.
DC: Hey Mike, I forgot to tell you that I was at the farm last week, and did a lot of work with our new bulldozer.
MP: (smiling that someone who knows how to administer pain is still running the program) So, the Streak ended because of the most diabolical concoction every created, and it could be used to get Osama Bin Caveboy to talk. One little sip, and they will be dry heaving.....two sips and they are yacking up a lung.....three sips and they are telling us where the Weapons of Mass Destruction were!!! Water boarding has NOTHING on this stuff. Here is a picture, and Jack Bauer style, you don't need to say anything, just nod.
DC: Blue Horseshoe is nodding.
MP: I'll order it by the case and will have it to you in a day.....it was good talking to you my friend.
DC: You are a patriot and a hero.
MP: Thank you sir.
So the Streak has ended, and tomorrow starts another day, and another streak. Thank you for reading the International Super Hit blog.....(thanks Rhodes) and God bless!!!!!!!